There are many people who think highly of others, but have low self-esteem. They beat themselves up for everything they do. “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not enough.” “I shouldn’t have done that.” “I’m just stupid.” “I’ll never amount to anything.” “I’m fat and ugly.”

If these self-talks sound familiar to you, please know that it’s not your fault. Most likely, you were taught to think this way at an early age. Maybe one or both of your parents said these things to you (or other thoughts like these). Perhaps a sibling or other relative fed this into your tender young mind. Or perhaps it was a teacher or other significant other. You weren’t born into this world saying these things. Someone taught you.

It’s also possible that it happened later in life. Perhaps you had an abusive spouse or boss. Being with them created trauma of its own. Maybe you already felt badly about yourself, and drew a negative person to yourself by the law of attraction.

Whatever the root cause was, the process follows these steps:

1. You heard negative statements about yourself and internalized them.
2. When they got internalized, you no longer needed the other person to keep reinforcing it. Your own inner voice kept saying it over and over, just like the other person originally did.
3. You repeat the negative thought to yourself so much that it becomes your way of acting in the world. You no longer think you are worthy enough: to succeed in a career, to have enough money, to enjoy a healthy relationship, to have good health, to have a slim body, to lead a fulfilling life. The list can go on and on.
4. You draw to yourself what you are, and face the subsequent life challenges.

As dreary as it seems, you have the power to change it. You have the power to think highly of yourself and create a good life. As foreign as it may now seem, you have the power to love yourself and allow others to love you.

This is not an overnight fix. It takes a little time. But wouldn’t it be worth the wait to see internal transformation happening, bringing exciting shifts in your daily life?

Here are some things you can do to get started:

1. Fold a piece of paper in two columns, or create it on your computer or tablet. Write down your negative self-talks in the left-hand column. For each self-talk on the left, write a counter positive self-talk in the right-hand column. For example, the left-hand column says, “I have no chance of getting that promotion at work.” The right-hand column says, “I have a good chance of getting that promotion. I work hard and have the necessary skills for this new position.”

Then, every time you find yourself saying the negative self-talk, immediately say the positive one. If something comes up that’s not on your list, that’s okay. Just spontaneously come up with a positive counter statement. This list is basically there for practice.

2. Look at yourself in the mirror every day. Watch the thoughts that come     up. Initially they will probably be negative. You may even have trouble looking at yourself. But over time they will shift, or you can consciously shift them. Look at yourself and tell yourself all the things you like about yourself.

3. Do something nice for yourself every day, like soaking in a bath, taking a walk, watching a good movie, getting a facial, cooking a healthy meal, talking to a friend, listening to music. This will increase your capacity to think highly of you. The actions will tell you that you deserve a good life.

4. Work with a qualified professional  to get the help you need releasing these old tapes in your head. The techniques that I find the most useful are: EFT tapping, hypnosis, NLP, Emotional Stress Release, and breathing/meditation.

Contact us for a free phone or Zoom chat to see how we can help you succeed.

#self-esteem  #self-love   #self-care   #self-talks